forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
the condom got lost in my hair
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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