I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Holy sore nipples Batman
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
