Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
