Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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