I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
There r osticjed everywhere
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
