it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Terrible idea I love it
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
