so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
just tell him i said nine months
Just cropdusted the office
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
