Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I bet he comes in French.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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