Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
