We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
