you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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