I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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