It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
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