Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
