if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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