Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
