going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
this is an emotional support booty call
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
