I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
