Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
