And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
