a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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