So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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