we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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