I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You should frame my arrest warrant.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
