I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
