I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
there was a trapeze. enough said
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
