I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Randomize
