She's JV to your varsity
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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