just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
