Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
