So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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