So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
