Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
