i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
