I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
