if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
