cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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