It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
