Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
