i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
