he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
