so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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