if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
