I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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