so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
he thought i was a dude.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
