If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
farters have to be the big spoon...
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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