i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
