after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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