i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
