I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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