I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
