Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
