I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
