my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize
