Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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